“Brownkov?”
The sheet whispered in a strong northern accent; exasperated in the shadowy darkness of an empty room.
The sheet was quite young - but not too young - and he was concentrating deeply on his task. As for the room, it was the inner hub of a bank, the surprise in the Belgian chocolate of society, the creme de la creme of the building; it was the safe in a bank, the Bank of Skegness.
The sheet had grown up in poverty, his father being a miner, and was still in poverty. The only thing of real grand value he had was the precious silver medallion that had been his grandfather’s. Sadly, it had been taken by the bank, by force, in payment for the rent.
“Gimme a 6mm 30 watt bulb, a double-decker 6 inch screw and the fifteen handle Cottonwood apply screwdriver, pronto!”
“Why, mister?” whispered Brownkov back frantically, handing the appliances over one by one and mopping his brow.
“Brownkov.”
The sheet paused for tension.
“I’ve jus' broken my watch.”
Brownkov gazed in glorious revelation before thinking twice.
“Eh?”
“My watch Brownkov - it’s broken.”
“Why d’ yeh need a 6mm watt bulb, a double-decker 6 inch...”
“Nah! Listen, Brownkov, the alarm goes whabang in 3 minutes, if w’don’t get outta here in 3 minutes then w’stuffed.”
“Aye, but why d’yeh need a screwdriver?”
“T’break into the safe y’fool of a took.”
“Don’t yeh call me a fool of a took!”
“Aye, I’m sorry right, I am. It were wrong of me. Can yeh tell me the time right, now?”
There was a pause.
“Aye, it’s about...”
A shrill alarm went off.
“Crumpets!” exclaimed the sheet, “Let’s scram like!”
Just then, an eerie figure cast a shadow over them.
“It’s the Peelers like!”
The policepuffin strode over to the two cowering figures of the sheet and brown bear.
“The games up sheet, and you, bear.” he proclaimed in a surprisingly English accent, nodding at each of them in turn. “You really do have the worst northern accents that I have ever heard.”
“Aye, like, that’s because the writer comes from Soton, like.” said the sheet.
* * *
15 minutes and a drive in the police car later, Boravic Brownkov and Morris Cug found themselves in the company of the same policepuffin.
“So, what on blue sky were you doing trying to get into the safe at the Bank of Skeggy?”
“Well,” started Morris Cug, “We were tryin’ to get int’the safe at the Bank of Skeggy like.”
“Yes I know that, but why?”
“Why what?” replied Boravic Brownkov.
At this the policepuffin started to get rather frustrated.
“Look, I don’t have to stand for this; I am Mr. Puffin”
“What? Mr. Puffin, brother to the infamous Cathy Dolls, who’s fiancé to the equally infamous and rich Ernest Sooty?
“What?!” cried Mr. Puffin, “Yes, yes I am, but this is a police enquiry, it has nothing to do with my sister! And how do you know we were related?! We don’t even have the same surname! ”
“I saw her on the telly like, I did!” exclaimed Brownkov.
“Look,” said the policepuffin, “Theft is a major crime, and I don’t see how you can deny that!”
“We ain’t actually stolen anything, mister.” replied Cug.
“Still! You broke into a high security building! It’ll put you in jail for years!”
“I were just trying to get my medallion back like.”
A while later, Brownkov and Cug understood they were being held in custody, something that Brownkov got quite excited about until he found out it wasn’t yellow and good with apple pie.
Morris Cug could not believe this was happening, he was only trying to get the one thing that reminded him of his grandfather and his father. There had to be a way out, something had to happen that would change his fortunes and his life. Something...
“You two!”
An official voice could be heard shouting at them...
